Phoenix

One week til Phoenix, and 10 days til MA (and CT). I've never been to New England, I'm so fucking excited. Also, I'm going to SF tomorrow. And I'm reading Dubliners. Also, did you know that the breaking down of the fourth wall in theater, was a response to idealism and an attack on capitalism? So, the theater of the absurd is like hardcore communism, hehe, maybe not.... Anyway, it was Bertolt Brecht who started that trend. Go Brechtian aesthetics!!!

HEAT!!!

It's kind of amazing how dependent we've become on electricity. But shit, our electricity was out for about 20 hours, and it was freezing, and cold showers and no computers for homework, and no heat for sleeping, and no hot food. It was nuts!!!!! I love my Mr. ELECTRICITY!!!!! I totally enjoyed everyone getting together and conversing as humans and not through computers, but anyway.....

Do-Gooder

I think I wanna be like Amelie........ (or with her, I can't figure out which). Of course, this destroys my thoughts about anti-idealism, but oh well. Today, it poured and it was like back in Phoenix!!!!!! I turned in my physics, and saw a pretty rad band today...... they played in tower records because it was raining. Now, I get to read Dubliners!!!!!! I'm so excited!!!! Just two weeks and 2 days til I see my family and my friends back home!!! I'm pretty excited, but I've realized how much Berkeley, CA is now my home. It's crazy, I've gone over to the city so much lately, and walked around so much in the East Bay. I feel pretty good about everything. I just wish that I wouldn't worry about school. I'm not blaming my stress on the school, I'm blaming it on me. Maybe that's why I'm stressed, but oh well. I think we must end this with a poem:

To a Historian (by Walt Whitman)

You who celebrate bygones,
Who have explored the outward, the surfaces of the races, the life that has exhibited itself,
Who have treated of man as the creature of politics, aggregates, rulers and priests,
I, habitan of the Alleghanies, treating of him as he is himself in his own rights,
Pressing the pulse of the life that has seldom exhibited itself, (the great pride of man in himself,) Chanter of Personality, outlining what is left to be,
I project the history of the future.

Current Mood: happy

hmmmm

I'm all of a sudden quite happy. I have to go do my physics homework, but I just played MASH. It was hella fun........ Anyway, I'm getting a little carried away with this thingy, but then again, it's only my first day.....

I was just thinking about wonderful, amazing, beautiful Sarah Silverman..... I miss her, but I guess that's life. Anyway, I'm going to MOMA (museum of modern art) in SF tomorrow. I'm excited........... I like elipses......... or is it ellipses?........ I sure don't know, this is such a waste, but it's really fun, and I'll write lots and lots and lots. I really am happy to be alive. I know that it's taxing as hell a lot of the time, but life would suck without it, hehe.....

Current Mood: chipper

WHY?

So, why do we feel that we have to go to school? Why am I in school? To learn? I guess I learn a little bit. To learn to live? I don't know, this is just sooooooo difficult. I wish whatever happened, or I did to make myself lack self-esteem in every way could be altered.... well not really, cuz that's who I am........ I wish I could complain about relationships on this thing............ I'm basically done with 50% of my class on Marxism, but that doesn't matter. I enjoy understanding Marx, but does that really help ME? Does it help anyone? Does anyone care? Should I just give up? Should I be happy? Is my optimism a facade? Is my love for everything artistic a facade? Is physics a facade? Is the idea in quantum physics that molecules exist at more than one place at the same time valid? Does this really make this whole world a strange abstraction? Does Taoism therefore hold up as fact? Am I only writing this to appear intelligent? or philosophical? What's the point? Happiness? Knowledge? Oneness with "God"? Is this whole world completely fucked and full of shit? Are all these societal conventions just bullshit? WHY CAN'T LIFE BE EASIER, GODDAMMIT!!!!!!!!! I sure don't know any of the answers to these questions.

Current Mood: morose

Freud

I was reading Freud, and I don't know how much his stuff is real, or even what that means, but I noticed a lot of things. I really care about people, but when I get close to them, I either get really annoyed with them (scared), or way too attached. I think what it means, is that I attach myself to people who are unattainable because it's safe. I don't have to worry about getting hurt, because nothing will come of it..... Also, these people are more likely to put up with this, than strangers who are unattainable. This is not to say that I don't truly care about these people, but it just sorta puts things in perspective. This is all concerning sexual relations. I'm not sure this really applies to just plain friendships, but I often attach myself to these people who are "just friends" because it's safe. Alright, that was in no way laconic, but anyway....... 

Current Mood: melancholy