BERLIN

this is an e-mail i sent to my parents, so it might not make a whole lot of sense, but i only have 2 minutes left on my 2 euros time here.

I'm here in the Generator Hotel Berlin. This is a great place. I met some British guys yesterday and we went out to Unter den Linden. Before that I also went to Kurfürstendamm and saw the blown up church, and also I ate lunch at Alexanderplatz. The day before I went to Potsdamer Platz, and if you wanna see botched-up capitalism, just go there. Gargantuan buildings from Deutsche Bank, Daimler Chrysler and Sony and no people. That was in the former west, but that more than anything felt foreign, cold and frightening. At every Platz here, there are anti-war and pro-vegetarian protests. The whole S-Bahn system is covered with graffiti, and there's this one stop on the U-Bahn, I think, that is decorated with tons of quotations about humanity from Heinrich Heine. I took the Strassenbahn from S-Bahn stop Landsberger Allee, the stop by the hostel, and the closest stop to my room in Hohenschönhausen. It's very simple and fast. However, it seems to take a long time to catch the trains..... I saw my building. It's in a very surreal looking place that looks very East German-ish. Everything is square and gray. Some of the buildings around it have been painted blue and white which seem to be the Berlin colors. Very strange. The German's going well. I've only spoken English once, other than when I talked to the British guys. My impression here is that the people are very honest. There's no way to check if you have a ticket for any of the trains. I asked about tips at a restaurant and I didn't quite understand and she returned some of my money. I had tipped 2 Euros on a ten Euro meal, she said, NEVER more than 1 unless it's real expensive, I'll have to see about that. I just had a Berliner Pilsener, one of the two main Berlin beers, at a stand on Unter den Linden, while reading "Der Tagesspiegel". It was great. I'm going to meet the British guys again at the bar in the hostel, but I probably won't go out again tonight, cuy I have to repack and be out of my room by ten tomorrow morning. The transit system here is amazingly efficient, if you know what you're doing. There are almost no maps compared to all the other cities in which I've been to. When we went out last night we wandered around this one station for 15 minutes, it was hilarious. The weather: This is the most humid place I've ever lived, there's no use in showering, and the weather seems to be far more erratic than in the Bay Area even. I took my jacket with me to Hohenschönhausen, but it was so hot, I ended up not wearing it, but then I headed out to check out Checkpoint Charlie an der Kochstrasse and it started pouring, just like in Phoenix..... hard rain. Then, I took the U-Bahn through Museum Island (Museum Insel) to Hackescher Markt, but I couldn't find Hackesher Markt, and so I walked back towards Museum Island. I ended up walking past the Berlin Cathedral (Berliner Dom), and the Neue Wache (remembrance place for the deaths in the German past) and past my school again. As I neared my school, all of a sudden rain just dumped all over me. It was just ridiculous. These fairly heavy showers were over in about 10 minutes apiece. It's very strange. 

Well, the city has strange weather, sorta nice people, lots of interesting places to go, many reminders that I'm leaving in the former Eastern Bloc, good beer, good newspapers, confusing everything, and of course good beer. More later, after I move into my new apartment. I just can't believe this is now my home for a long time.

John

Ich fliege morgen nach Berlin ab

A poem I wrote about truth and passion.

The glitter that fell, that foiled
That felt
Is never conceived by those who glean
Equality red, relations be raw
Grasping and clutching, just let me seem?!

In less than 36 hours, I'm gonna be in my new home. Wahoo!

This is the last poem I wrote on here, I still think it's good:

Placation is a
Vacation from arduous thought that warrants
Investigation. Is this a good
Justification for the
Marginalization of the
Sensation of emotion that fuels the
Rationalization of my everyday
Immotion?

Ich werde euch wieder sehen. Tschüss Amerika.

Ich fliege übermorgen ab

This has been one of the most miserable days of my life. I'm almost done packing, have little to do tomorrow, so hopefully I can relax, yeah right. I'm at the limit of fucking snapping. Thinking about my whole life being governed by my ability with German, and few bags with clothes feels really strange. This is the most naked I've ever felt. I was ready to fucking kill everyone in traffic on the way home. On top of that, I know I'm not leaving Yuko, but I feel like this is the real kicker. I always sad, well even if she were to stay, I'd be going to Germany. That's it. I'm gone. A memory. And (Caitlin you should enjoy) what to my nerveracked eyes should sound, but Weezer's bestest song, Only in Dreams. Well, I'm about to live one of my lifelong ones, but why am I not excited? I'm fucking scared, that's why.

School

I have to school tomorrow..... not tomorrow but tomorrow tomorrow. Yeah. I have to go to German and then PACS and then I think I'm done. Yeah. Man, I don't know if I can do it. Read Beatles random song selection for my current mood.

Yuko

So, today I went shopping with my mother to buy clothes for Germany. I'm again falsely falling into the theory that if I change my style I can change my personality. Man, society has really fucked up my head, and made my hypocrisy all the painful-er. I got home and cleaned my room, and then started reading some old poems. I opened a beer, and then my brother showed up. The real problem is that my brother has finally become a nice person who rides his bike lots of miles every day, and he doesn't hate me, but he's sooooo painfully normal. Where has all the hatred of corporate societal destruction gone? That sounds like a new anti-war song... haha. So, then the rest of the night was highlighted by my mom's amazing spaghetti sauce, and sitting burning some CDs for my new friends Marisin and Melissa. Why do I always manage to meet cool people as I'm leaving? Well, anyways, the real big thing happened right before dinner. Yuko called me. I just wanna cry. I really love her. I'm starting to believe, no matter how "mature" or "old" I get, I'm gonna be this hopeless romantic. And I really want to be with her. I absolutely think that we would be a perfect couple, but now what......... Now Berlin, die Haupstadt der Bundesrepublik Deutschlands. All exciting. Conflicts, wow, confusion, good lord. I'm gonna listen to Warren Zevon starting today. Dying gets me every time.

Good job, Mr. Young

For anyone who really cares, the new Neil Young album is absolutely amazing. The songs go on and on, the singing's off key sometimes, the words are a little corny, the production's lacking, and sometimes the words are not even discernable, but you know what, it's really good. It's about a little town dealing with the corporate destruction of the earth. If anyone wants it, I will burn it for them, or whatever, but you have to promise me that you will at least once sit through the complete album with the lyrics. The story is what matters. Just for a little taste, here are the words from the finale.

"Be the Rain"

Save the planet for another day
Attention shoppers.
Buy with a conscience and save.
Save the planet for another day
Save Alaska!
Let the caribou stay.
Don't care what the governments say
They're all bought
and paid for anyway.
Save the planet for another day
Hey Big Oil!
What do you say?
We were runnin' through the night
Never knowin' if we would see the light
Paranoid schizophrenic visions
Livin in fear of the wrong decisions
We got to wake up
We got to keep goin'
If they follow us
There's no way of knowin'
We got a job to do
We got to save Mother Earth
Be the ocean when it meets the sky
You can make a difference.
If you really try.
Be the magic in the Northern lights
Six Days...
Six nights.
Be the river as it rolls along
It has three-eyed fish.
And it's smellin' strong.
Be the rain you remember fallin'
Be the rain.
Be the rain.
Yeah, rain was fallin' and we're soakin' wet
Hail is beatin' down on our heads
The wind is blowin' through our hair
Faces frozen in the frigid air
We got to get there
Alaska
We got to be there
Before the big machines
We got a job to do
We got to save Mother Earth
Dream the hunter on the western plain
The birds are all gone.
Where did they go?
Dream the fisherman in his boat
He's comin' home empty.
He's barely afloat.
Dream the logger in the great northwest
They're runnin' out of trees.
They got to give it a rest.
(There's no other way to cut it)
Dream the farmer in the old heartland
Corporate greed and chemicals
are killin' the land.
Next mornin' Sun was up at dawn
She looked around and Earth was gone
Dark visions he had last night
He needed peace, he needed light.
He heard the rumble and
He saw the big machines
The green army rose
It was a bad dream
He had a job to do
He had to save Mother Earth
Be the ocean when it meets the sky
Greek freighters are dumping
crap somewhere right now.
Be the magic in the northern lights
(The ice is melting!)
Be the river as it rolls along
Toxic waste dumpin'
from corporate farms.
Be the rain you remember fallin'
Be the rain.
Be the rain.
Save the Planet for another day
Be the rain.
Be the rain.
Be the river as it rolls along
Be the rain.
Be the rain.
Be the rain, be the rain

Morning

So, I just went for a walk with Tiara into Berkeley and back. There were three encounters, one asking for a cigarette or money, but I had smoked the cigarette I brought with me and not my wallet. Then, a guy stopped us and asked Tiara why she was Mary (insert random last name). We said no. Then, a guy started muttering about something, mentioned God, and was completely incoherent, so we decided to just ask him where Alcatraz ave. was, so that we could leave, but he decided to show us, and walked us home and talked about his wife and his cousin. It was very cute. We then shook hands with him and now I'm here. What an incredible walk. I feel that people should all act like they do here and just talk to everyone they see. It would be great.

Yuko

So, I went to coffee to see Emily before she left, and normally this would cause me to make a scathing statement of society's lack of goodness, but that's probably getting redundant, so just read my previous post and extrapolate.

So, I'm starting to feel kinda weird about Yuko. I don't know what I expected from Yuko, but somehow I wanted to be able to keep loving her the same. Maybe I just sorta have to realize that's not gonna happen.

Oh, I'm such a fucking fake.

Music and Emotions

So, I totally feel like the most important bands of the 80s/90s are the Pixies, Nirvana, Sonic Youth, Radiohead and Jane's Addiction, none of which I've seen. The last 3 are still together and i'm seeing Jane's Addiction tonight, and then hopefully I'll be able to see Radiohead in Berlin.

So, this morning in the shower I was listening to the first song on the new Jane's Addiction album, and I was singing the line that says, "For all the money in the world/We'll go to war for you backward heroes," and I started to cry. I'm not sure why, but I think I'm just really emotional right now. My friends are going back to Berkeley, the new kids are showing up at college, I'm leaving my home, everybody's moving, my relationships with everyone are really different. I think this is the hardest time to leave yet. I'm gonna miss being in Phoenix with my friends, plus being in Berkeley. I gonna miss Caitlin, Daniel, Tiara, Scott, my family, my home which is being fucked up (maybe that's why I let the line in the song get to me) but is still my home, my house, my language, my everything. All I'm taking with me is some clothes, this computer and my self. I've never felt so naked in my life. And on top of all that I already miss Yuko. Everything EVERYTHING here will continue, except me........

My "Letter to the Editor"

The text of my Letter to the Editor at the Arizona Republic is as follows (I hope it is published):

I am a college student in California, who lives in the valley during the summer and I have watched the recall campaign with great interest. My critique arises not from being a member of a political group, but rather as a supporter of democracy.

Unlike many who have recently commented on its "grassroots" nature, in reality, the campaign consists of people being paid to gather signatures, funded in large part by the Darrell Issa for Governor Committee, in support of a man who has long wanted to be governor himself.

This conflict, while being in large part the fault of Gray Davis, will never be cleansed of monied politics. The mere fact that I, as a voter in California, could not recall Davis, as I do not have the millions of dollars to pay the signature gatherers, shows what a small role democracy has played.

While I in no way dispute the grievances with Davis, a man with lots of money and his own political agenda cannot be allowed to control the course of the world's fifth largest economy.