Retiro

My night started like any other. I left my house with my parents a little weird towards me, and I towards them. I went to a coffee house with Emily, but then she had to be home at 11:00, so I called up my friend Favian Sanchez and we hung out, and he told me about his problems with his father, and I told him about my problems with depression, pills, parents, school, anxiety, a certain female, etc. etc. Then, he gave me incredible advice. In Spanish, there is a word "retiro" which means withdrawal or retreat. He told me that no matter what pills I took, what other people told me, did for me, or to me, how I treated others, etc..... the only person that can solve my problems is me. In Mexico, people go on a week-long "retiro" where they sort of meditate, but not in an understanding the nature of the world sort of meditation, but one where you stare your problems in the face, and deal with them, and think about them, and realize what you're doing to yourself, to others.... to the people you care about, love, or just the people around. I think this is a wonderful idea. I think I need to just talk to myself for a while (I'm not sure I can pull off a week) and just figure myself out. In Mexico, it's generally a way to become closer to God (it's generally a Catholic thing, it's mentioned in Joyce's writings), and that is what I want to do. I want to understand who I am, and how I am, and I'm not going to solve it at once, but I'm also not going to solve it by ignoring it. I realize this sounds like hogwash, but I think my brilliant friend Favian is right.