Vonnegut

“Hello, babies. Welcome to earth. It’s hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It’s round and wet and crowded. At the outside, babies, you have about a hundred years here. There’s only one rule that I know of–
God damn it, babies, you’ve got to be kind. “ -God Bless You, Mr. Rosewater

"Many people need desperately to receive this message: 'I feel and think much as you do, care about many of the things you care about, although most people don't care about them. You are not alone.'" -Timequake

"We're terrible animals. I think that the Earth's immune system is trying to get rid of us, as well it should." - from The Daily Show, 2004

If God were alive today, he would have to be an atheist, because the excrement has hit the air-conditioning big time, big time. - Unsourced

"Perhaps, when we remember wars, we should take off our clothes and paint ourselves blue and go on all fours all day long and grunt like pigs. That would surely be more appropriate than noble oratory and shows of flags and well-oiled guns. " - Cat's Cradle

Requiem:
The crucified planet Earth,
should it find a voice
and a sense of irony,
might now well say
of our abuse of it,
"Forgive them, Father,
They know not what they do."

The irony would be
that we know what
we are doing.

When the last living thing
has died on account of us,
how poetical it would be
if Earth could say,
in a voice floating up
perhaps
from the floor
of the Grand Canyon,
"It is done."
People did not like it here.

-A Man without a Country

You realize, of course, that everything I say is horseshit. -Unsourced

So it goes